It must be sick. Probably. That he just wants to shrug to that. That he maybe wants to say that Steve wouldn't have been the first. Not the first to lie to him, certainly, and not from a position on the inside where Tony trusts him so it makes it easier to do. Steve also wouldn't be the first person to hurt him. Wouldn't be the last either. It's more what he expects out of everyone, so when someone acts outside that he thinks they should be thanked.
When Steve touches the side of his face he recognizes the color of desperation but is a little too late to do anything to stop it as he tilts further into Steve's palm. His hand reaches up again, hand locking around his wrist not to deter or pull him away but to hold on. Eyes steady on Steve he really tries to soak everything in and the corner of his mouth twitches upwards just lightly. "Just wanted you to live a little."
Because Tony, in his ever expansive hypocrite ways, had been worried about Steve. That he'd disappeared into the cowl and the shield. That he fooled himself into being content marching around campus and waiting on a call every single day to come into battle, and put everything else on hold. He worried about Steve losing any part of himself that was Steve Rogers and not just Captain America. And maybe that wasn't his right to do at the time, and maybe he was being a little over dramatic, but his position had always been that... Steve Rogers was an intensely more interesting man than Captain America. And the world would suffer losing one out over the other. Not in the way it would've assumed. Hero over man, is usually the pick. But not for Tony.
And. Sure. That came from a place of bias. But that ground soon shifted into lighter and more loving hues. Look where they are. Sometimes it still blows him away that it's here.
Which is why when no other words make sense, "I love you." Sometimes that feels like an all encompassing thing. Those three little words. Sometimes it's also not enough on its own. "I'm glad you didn't. You could've. Could've done anything with this. I'm not used to- ...I'm still trying to figure out how to handle being someone's first priority. Usually doesn't feel like I deserve it." For a multitude of reasons, his last relationship and how he treated Pepper notwithstanding.
no subject
When Steve touches the side of his face he recognizes the color of desperation but is a little too late to do anything to stop it as he tilts further into Steve's palm. His hand reaches up again, hand locking around his wrist not to deter or pull him away but to hold on. Eyes steady on Steve he really tries to soak everything in and the corner of his mouth twitches upwards just lightly. "Just wanted you to live a little."
Because Tony, in his ever expansive hypocrite ways, had been worried about Steve. That he'd disappeared into the cowl and the shield. That he fooled himself into being content marching around campus and waiting on a call every single day to come into battle, and put everything else on hold. He worried about Steve losing any part of himself that was Steve Rogers and not just Captain America. And maybe that wasn't his right to do at the time, and maybe he was being a little over dramatic, but his position had always been that... Steve Rogers was an intensely more interesting man than Captain America. And the world would suffer losing one out over the other. Not in the way it would've assumed. Hero over man, is usually the pick. But not for Tony.
And. Sure. That came from a place of bias. But that ground soon shifted into lighter and more loving hues. Look where they are. Sometimes it still blows him away that it's here.
Which is why when no other words make sense, "I love you." Sometimes that feels like an all encompassing thing. Those three little words. Sometimes it's also not enough on its own. "I'm glad you didn't. You could've. Could've done anything with this. I'm not used to- ...I'm still trying to figure out how to handle being someone's first priority. Usually doesn't feel like I deserve it." For a multitude of reasons, his last relationship and how he treated Pepper notwithstanding.