The way his shoulders sag just a little once Steve touches his face is nearly immediate. He's begun to rely on Steve almost too much for comfort since getting together- like a normal person should. Their relationship isn't normal by regular bounds, but there are things in it that are, that Tony cherishes and appreciates. Steve is his home, something Steve very handily reminds him is true in reverse. They've built something here that Tony doesn't necessarily want to demolish he just...
Doesn't also want to be let down. He wants to protect himself. Figures this is the "easier" ending for the two of them. Even if, as Steve stands there with Tony in his grasp, their gazes matched and unyielding, it feels like this is the worst possible thing to be doing in the moment. But Tony's rarely ever there. He's always sprinting ahead. Trying to figure out where it's all going. And he doesn't like the possibility of an outcome that will destroy them. If that's the case, why not just rip the bandaid off now?
But...
Steve's practically begging him not to do this. Will they be in this position, reversed, in a few weeks? Tony begging him not to take away his home? Their future? It's possible. It's a very real possibility that Tony wasn't keen to ignore. That he was going to let guide him through their separation right now but he really can't. Not with Steve so close, looking at him like that, telling him he doesn't want to be alone. How can Tony fight that?
"I love you," he exhales it almost painfully. If he didn't it would make all of this easier. If they were still working acquaintances at an arm's distance from each other, maybe even if they were merely friends. But now? Now he has to put Steve before himself. No matter where that ends up. Steve's picking him now, he might not later. Tony is helpless to do the same.
His hands slip from their perch at Steve's shoulders, sliding just a little down against Steve's chest. "One day... one day you won't have to be the one trying to talk sense into me. I don't know when that is, but one day. Probably." Joking again to ease the restlessness he feels squirming inside of him. Trying to regain some semblance of control. Of himself. "Gives you something to look forward to."
He still can't seem to unstick himself from Steve so a little obviously he asks, "If I tell you I need some time with this, there's no chance in hell you're leaving me alone, is there?" He's not sure he wants that either, really. He doesn't know what he wants yet but he knows giving himself some time to really absorb all of this instead of feeling it will give him clarity. The part of him that's used to dealing with everything on his own wants to take off. Run. And maybe not come back. But. The other part. That's used to having a home and a partner in Steve just wants to melt into him and let him be there for him. It's a struggle.
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Doesn't also want to be let down. He wants to protect himself. Figures this is the "easier" ending for the two of them. Even if, as Steve stands there with Tony in his grasp, their gazes matched and unyielding, it feels like this is the worst possible thing to be doing in the moment. But Tony's rarely ever there. He's always sprinting ahead. Trying to figure out where it's all going. And he doesn't like the possibility of an outcome that will destroy them. If that's the case, why not just rip the bandaid off now?
But...
Steve's practically begging him not to do this. Will they be in this position, reversed, in a few weeks? Tony begging him not to take away his home? Their future? It's possible. It's a very real possibility that Tony wasn't keen to ignore. That he was going to let guide him through their separation right now but he really can't. Not with Steve so close, looking at him like that, telling him he doesn't want to be alone. How can Tony fight that?
"I love you," he exhales it almost painfully. If he didn't it would make all of this easier. If they were still working acquaintances at an arm's distance from each other, maybe even if they were merely friends. But now? Now he has to put Steve before himself. No matter where that ends up. Steve's picking him now, he might not later. Tony is helpless to do the same.
His hands slip from their perch at Steve's shoulders, sliding just a little down against Steve's chest. "One day... one day you won't have to be the one trying to talk sense into me. I don't know when that is, but one day. Probably." Joking again to ease the restlessness he feels squirming inside of him. Trying to regain some semblance of control. Of himself. "Gives you something to look forward to."
He still can't seem to unstick himself from Steve so a little obviously he asks, "If I tell you I need some time with this, there's no chance in hell you're leaving me alone, is there?" He's not sure he wants that either, really. He doesn't know what he wants yet but he knows giving himself some time to really absorb all of this instead of feeling it will give him clarity. The part of him that's used to dealing with everything on his own wants to take off. Run. And maybe not come back. But. The other part. That's used to having a home and a partner in Steve just wants to melt into him and let him be there for him. It's a struggle.