"You're sorry," it exits out of him in a bitter rush. He doesn't mean for it to, but it does. He swallows hard again, almost like he's trying to bite back bile. It's all heat and anger and he doesn't know what to do with it. Where to put it. Steve's the only one here. Steve's the one giving him this news. He doesn't want to be the person he is, but he is. And this is one of the reasons. These files. Right in front of him.
Worse yet there's grief. Decades old grief at this point that he's buried in an attempt to keep it from ruining him like it had the first time he'd been delivered this news when he was a kid. Stupid. So stupid. He should've pressed harder. Done more. Anything.
He doesn't look up at Steve yet, not sure what's lurking in his gaze. He feels a fresh wetness there that he doesn't want looked at. He doesn't want to be pitied for this. Not by the one person who would actually stand a chance at helping him-
Speaking of. He shakes his head, eyes going up and around in a roll and then finally he distances himself from those folders as he practically shoves himself away from the table. It's then that he sets fire in Steve's direction. "Right. Not just because god forbid- right? I somehow find out?" After all these years, really, there's a chance he wouldn't have ever known. If Steve had destroyed the files, what then? He could have. Had every chance to do it.
But that's logical. He's not feeling much of that at present. "Because you don't want me to go after him, right? That's the real reason." That's what it always is. Two people and he's never- never- the winner. Ever. No one ever picks him when it comes down to it. Not his father, not Obi, not Pepper- nobody. They take him for what he's worth, use what he'll give them, and then they go. Always.
Why should Steve Rogers be any different? He should have been. One day Tony will learn to keep well enough alone. To himself. One day. "You want me to go on some wild goose chase with you to keep away from him, like it'll make any of this better." Someone signed orders to kill his parents. Hydra did it, Bucky carried them out, SHIELD hid it. Monsters all the way down. "Go on. Go back in the field. Go find him. You did what you came here to do."
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Worse yet there's grief. Decades old grief at this point that he's buried in an attempt to keep it from ruining him like it had the first time he'd been delivered this news when he was a kid. Stupid. So stupid. He should've pressed harder. Done more. Anything.
He doesn't look up at Steve yet, not sure what's lurking in his gaze. He feels a fresh wetness there that he doesn't want looked at. He doesn't want to be pitied for this. Not by the one person who would actually stand a chance at helping him-
Speaking of. He shakes his head, eyes going up and around in a roll and then finally he distances himself from those folders as he practically shoves himself away from the table. It's then that he sets fire in Steve's direction. "Right. Not just because god forbid- right? I somehow find out?" After all these years, really, there's a chance he wouldn't have ever known. If Steve had destroyed the files, what then? He could have. Had every chance to do it.
But that's logical. He's not feeling much of that at present. "Because you don't want me to go after him, right? That's the real reason." That's what it always is. Two people and he's never- never- the winner. Ever. No one ever picks him when it comes down to it. Not his father, not Obi, not Pepper- nobody. They take him for what he's worth, use what he'll give them, and then they go. Always.
Why should Steve Rogers be any different? He should have been. One day Tony will learn to keep well enough alone. To himself. One day. "You want me to go on some wild goose chase with you to keep away from him, like it'll make any of this better." Someone signed orders to kill his parents. Hydra did it, Bucky carried them out, SHIELD hid it. Monsters all the way down. "Go on. Go back in the field. Go find him. You did what you came here to do."