Steve slices through some of it. He's always been good at that. A little too good. It gives Tony time to reconsider and stop letting his brain run wildly. So no. It's not that. And Tony believes him. His hand wavers and then drops, eyes drifting down to those offered folders. Okay. Not that. Not Hydra. Well that's something- and sure- makes sense logically when he gets out of all the other messy affairs he ran to first. But-
The next four words out of Steve's mouth silence the rest of the room. Suffocate him just a little. They make him feel like all the walls just closed in. Howard's death. His parents died together and while he's not his dad's biggest fan, some small stupid part of him will always love Howard. The part of him that ached to be loved in return. That wanted to be accepted and cherished rather than looked down on and told he wasn't enough. But Maria also died in the car with him that night.
And it's not something he wants to revisit.
His eyes slide up from the folders to Steve's. Holds his gaze while he tries to figure out what he's supposed to be feeling. Then they drop right back down when Steve continues. His parents died in a car crash that had always seemed a little suspect to him but he was a dumb grieving kid so what did he know? In some ways he's never gotten beyond that. Mostly because he's done everything humanly possible to avoid working through their deaths. It was so long ago yet now it feels like the police just showed up on his doorstep.
He swallows tightly, lips pressed in a thin, tight line and reaches out to take hold of what's being offered to him finally with a hand he tries to keep steady. "Not gonna like it was a terrible underestimation on your part, I imagine." Another joke, and not one that he sounds sure of. His voice is going out while he's grappling with keeping it steady.
Already he knows. Hydra was responsible for his parents dying. How much more obvious could that be? He doesn't need to read the files to know that. But he does need to read them. Every inch of paper, every line. Because he needs to know. That's why he takes them and turns away, going to one of the tables to open them all up. Spread them all out. He holds himself steady, both hands splayed as he braces himself above the worktop. Reading it all. Sprinting through each page and then reading again. His shoulders hunch up, holding himself and wound so tight that his muscles tremble a little.
"Jarvis wouldn't let me- he wouldn't take me to the-" He's talking to himself but barely even hears it. So used to just having someone there to hear him. Even if it's just his AI. They didn't take Tony to the crime scene right away. Never let him look at the car. Probably because he would've put it together. "SHIELD knew." This, too, he says to no one in particular, even with how darkly it ejects from him. He always suspected. Never confirmed. Howard had been transporting a last ditch effort of his recreation of the super soldier serum to the Pentagon. He'd done that with Maria in the car. Knowing the risks.
They'd died because of him. Because he was careless. Because he put her at risk. Tony had been mad at him when it had just been rumors of black ice and Howard being inebriated, but this?
Who? Who is paired with Howard for this? Who brought them down because Howard couldn't put work aside for one fucking second and take an actual vacation with his wife- never mind that Tony wasn't invited- and... no matter how he'd felt dejected about that at the time, is he supposed to feel better knowing he would've been murdered, too? The answer to who jumps right out at him the second he looks for it. His fingers scratch the top of the lab table as the curl inwards and he heaves a sharp exhale from his lungs. "Oh."
no subject
The next four words out of Steve's mouth silence the rest of the room. Suffocate him just a little. They make him feel like all the walls just closed in. Howard's death. His parents died together and while he's not his dad's biggest fan, some small stupid part of him will always love Howard. The part of him that ached to be loved in return. That wanted to be accepted and cherished rather than looked down on and told he wasn't enough. But Maria also died in the car with him that night.
And it's not something he wants to revisit.
His eyes slide up from the folders to Steve's. Holds his gaze while he tries to figure out what he's supposed to be feeling. Then they drop right back down when Steve continues. His parents died in a car crash that had always seemed a little suspect to him but he was a dumb grieving kid so what did he know? In some ways he's never gotten beyond that. Mostly because he's done everything humanly possible to avoid working through their deaths. It was so long ago yet now it feels like the police just showed up on his doorstep.
He swallows tightly, lips pressed in a thin, tight line and reaches out to take hold of what's being offered to him finally with a hand he tries to keep steady. "Not gonna like it was a terrible underestimation on your part, I imagine." Another joke, and not one that he sounds sure of. His voice is going out while he's grappling with keeping it steady.
Already he knows. Hydra was responsible for his parents dying. How much more obvious could that be? He doesn't need to read the files to know that. But he does need to read them. Every inch of paper, every line. Because he needs to know. That's why he takes them and turns away, going to one of the tables to open them all up. Spread them all out. He holds himself steady, both hands splayed as he braces himself above the worktop. Reading it all. Sprinting through each page and then reading again. His shoulders hunch up, holding himself and wound so tight that his muscles tremble a little.
"Jarvis wouldn't let me- he wouldn't take me to the-" He's talking to himself but barely even hears it. So used to just having someone there to hear him. Even if it's just his AI. They didn't take Tony to the crime scene right away. Never let him look at the car. Probably because he would've put it together. "SHIELD knew." This, too, he says to no one in particular, even with how darkly it ejects from him. He always suspected. Never confirmed. Howard had been transporting a last ditch effort of his recreation of the super soldier serum to the Pentagon. He'd done that with Maria in the car. Knowing the risks.
They'd died because of him. Because he was careless. Because he put her at risk. Tony had been mad at him when it had just been rumors of black ice and Howard being inebriated, but this?
Who? Who is paired with Howard for this? Who brought them down because Howard couldn't put work aside for one fucking second and take an actual vacation with his wife- never mind that Tony wasn't invited- and... no matter how he'd felt dejected about that at the time, is he supposed to feel better knowing he would've been murdered, too? The answer to who jumps right out at him the second he looks for it. His fingers scratch the top of the lab table as the curl inwards and he heaves a sharp exhale from his lungs. "Oh."
Yeah. Oh.